The Love- Hate relationship: The true sense of it

Just the other day, sitting in my consultation room, relatively free, on an odd Ramzan day, a patient walks in for a routine follow up and evaluation. It had been a year since she last came in. My memories raced back 15 months when this petite, fair, 20 year old lass had first dropped in at my chambers with a last hope of getting back to normalcy. I had then subjected her to a battery of tests and checks following which we were able to come to a diagnosis and unravel the mystery behind her suffering. 3 months of regular visits to me and she was up and about. 

Today, she felt so different. The glow was back on her face. The sprightly gait was unmistakable. I spoke to her at length and got her examined. " Fit as a fiddle". 

She thanked me and left. But not before delivering those lingering words : 

I HATE YOU DOC. 

I spent the next 10 mins deciphering what she meant. How was it possible that someone who just couldn't thank me enough suddenly turned hostile and has started abhorring me now. I didn't think I overcharged her nor over investigated her. Also, the entire treatment was done with a humane touch. It then dawned on me that this phrase Hate You had deeper connotations. 

The literal meaning apart, hate in the above context seemed to suggest something completely different. She was just highly grateful to me but expressing it that way would sound very superfluous. Thus, the word ' hate ' acts as a savior in such situations and dilutes it. 

It had been a complete revelation. These words told to me quite a few times previously, now started giving me an entirely different perspective to the situations. "Hate you, Sir" or " I just hate you"  were oft repeated to me. But I had been moronic enough not to fathom the exact sense of the words. 

It was time for some googling. The results were shocking to say the least. 

When dealing with females, the term "I hate you", can a lot of the time mean "I Love You". Sounds complicated, but who said love was simple???

This phrase is said to someone when you're too scared to tell them you actually love them! you try to cover up your feelings by pretending you feel the opposite to love...

A child tells her mom " I hate you ". Here, it may not mean the same though.  The expression needs to be respected and a reply as in " I know you love Mommy" could belittle the child's sentiments. 

A student's remarks " I hate you teacher" conveys an entirely different gamut of emotions. 

"I hate you Pak" by an Indian would be an extremist reaction. 

Thus, all in all. This highly objectionable phrase could be hiding several hundreds of implications beneath. It is upto us to unearth them on an individual basis. 

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. 

Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that ..............Martin Luther King

{PS: This post is a work of fiction and any semblance to any characters living or dead is highly coincidental!!}

Tete-a-tete: Direct Dil Se

Seems really funny as to how I could ever write on such a topic. But certain things in life are generally taken for granted and their importance highly underestimated. 

Thus, it would not be a bad idea to spread a little awareness about this not so important activity which after reading this post, most of us would beg to differ and feel that after all this activity definitely is worth our precious time. 

Hugging or embracing has been immortalized by our very own Mr. Munnabhai.

He called it the jadoo ki jhappi. He did try to explain to us the possible benefits of a hug but we brushed it aside thinking it was filmy and Bollywood ishtyle. 

However, scientifically it has been shown that this seemingly innocuous hug is extremely effective at healing sickness, disease, loneliness, depression, anxiety and stress. Really?? 'How' is the question. 

Hugging a loved one releases the hormone oxytocin that gives you a physical boost and helps to control the blood pressure, reduce stress and improve memory.

But this effect only works if you hug someone you trust. 

Embracing someone you barely know rather increases stress by release of the stress hormone, cortisol. 

Someone recently asked me the difference between hugging and cuddling. 

A hug is when you put your arms out, move closer to someone, and wrap your arms around them. Usually you squeeze for a second, then release. It is brief, and it is usually reciprocal - give and take. 

A cuddle is something more intimate. To cuddle someone is to wrap them in your arms, but they don't have to do anything but accept the affection. Usually cuddling lasts longer. It may not be reciprocal. 

'You would hug your uncle when you see him at the holidays. But you would not cuddle him.'

Experts have also prescribed the daily dose for this essential vitamin. 

“We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth. "

You can follow me on twitter

@shabbirmb