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Saturday, July 20, 2013

The Love- Hate relationship: The true sense of it

Just the other day, sitting in my consultation room, relatively free, on an odd Ramzan day, a patient walks in for a routine follow up and evaluation. It had been a year since she last came in. My memories raced back 15 months when this petite, fair, 20 year old lass had first dropped in at my chambers with a last hope of getting back to normalcy. I had then subjected her to a battery of tests and checks following which we were able to come to a diagnosis and unravel the mystery behind her suffering. 3 months of regular visits to me and she was up and about. 
Today, she felt so different. The glow was back on her face. The sprightly gait was unmistakable. I spoke to her at length and got her examined. " Fit as a fiddle". 
She thanked me and left. But not before delivering those lingering words : 

I spent the next 10 mins deciphering what she meant. How was it possible that someone who just couldn't thank me enough suddenly turned hostile and has started abhorring me now. I didn't think I overcharged her nor over investigated her. Also, the entire treatment was done with a humane touch. It then dawned on me that this phrase Hate You had deeper connotations. 
The literal meaning apart, hate in the above context seemed to suggest something completely different. She was just highly grateful to me but expressing it that way would sound very superfluous. Thus, the word ' hate ' acts as a savior in such situations and dilutes it. 
It had been a complete revelation. These words told to me quite a few times previously, now started giving me an entirely different perspective to the situations. "Hate you, Sir" or " I just hate you"  were oft repeated to me. But I had been moronic enough not to fathom the exact sense of the words. 
It was time for some googling. The results were shocking to say the least. 

When dealing with females, the term "I hate you", can a lot of the time mean "I Love You". Sounds complicated, but who said love was simple???

This phrase is said to someone when you're too scared to tell them you actually love them! you try to cover up your feelings by pretending you feel the opposite to love...

A child tells her mom " I hate you ". Here, it may not mean the same though.  The expression needs to be respected and a reply as in " I know you love Mommy" could belittle the child's sentiments. 

A student's remarks " I hate you teacher" conveys an entirely different gamut of emotions. 

"I hate you Pak" by an Indian would be an extremist reaction. 

Thus, all in all. This highly objectionable phrase could be hiding several hundreds of implications beneath. It is upto us to unearth them on an individual basis. 

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. 
Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that ..............Martin Luther King

{PS: This post is a work of fiction and any semblance to any characters living or dead is highly coincidental!!}


  1. This post reminds me of a Tom n Jerry quote:
    The person who irritates you the most is always the one who loves you the most but can't express it.
    Did not understand it completely though....

  2. I always mean what I say- so if I say I hate you it will mean nothing else but that. And if I say I love you it will mean only that. Why try to find other (opp.) meanings to what has been said?

  3. Superb meaning of the words "I Hate You" explained by doc, actually love is never simple to understand as it is always meant to be complex to teach us value and enjoy the sweet poison of life

  4. Hussain Nulwala20 July 2013 at 19:15

    To start with...Doc Its a very well written article.

    But the fact remains that its extremely difficult to interpret a womans words. No matter how hard we try the results remain de same...

  5. I liked this sentence '' I hate you"